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7 Stages of Grief & What to Expect After Loss

By: Serena Tanner • Edited by: Ani Lahiri • Subject Matter Expert Reviewed by: Brindusa Vanta, MD • 7 cited sources • Updated Oct 14, 2024

Grief is a universal human experience after loss. Despite its universality, it’s also an incredibly difficult period, especially if you’ve received a terminal diagnosis or lost a close loved one. Understanding the stages of grief can provide insight into navigating the process by explaining why you feel what you do and how to manage those intense emotions. 

Key Takeaways

• Grief is a fluid process.
• Patience, self-compassion, and support are key during this period.
• If your symptoms of grief are overwhelming, seeking support from a grief counselor can help.

What Are the 7 Stages of Grief in Order?

Typically, people go through several stages of grief. While there’s a generally presented order, grief is a complex experience, and you may revisit the same stage several times. Because grief is a subjective experience, researchers and grief counselors have several models and theories explaining it. The seven stages of grief are one of the most common^[1].

Stage 1: Shock

Most people experience shock upon first learning about the loss of a loved one. It often begins with a sense of numbness and disbelief. These serve as a buffer against overwhelming emotions. For some, shock fades quickly, but others may experience it for hours or even days.

Coping With Shock After Losing a Loved One

• Be patient with yourself.
• Rely on loved ones for support.

Stage 2: Denial

Like shock, the denial stage is a defense mechanism. It helps slow the feelings of grief, pacing the visceral emotions so they can be processed in a manageable fashion. While the denial stage often involves refusing to accept that a loss has occurred, it also limits how many feelings you experience^[2]. Over time, the denial should reduce as acceptance grows. 

How to Cope With Denial After Someone Close to You Dies

• Give yourself time to process.
• Start considering your future and what it will look like.
• Seek help from grief counselors if you’re struggling.

Stage 3: Anger

People often go through a very normal period of anger as they heal. It may be directed at the person at the heart of the grief or toward doctors, family, or God. These feelings provide an outlet for the pain of grief while also providing a connection to your loved one.

Coping Skills for Anger When Dealing With Grief

• Focus on self-awareness.
• Speak to those around you about your current short fuse.
• Self-reflect on your actions and apologize if you misstep.
• Find healthy ways to express your anger, such as journaling^[3].

Stage 4: Bargaining

At the bargaining stage, an array of feelings can overwhelm you. You might question what you could have done to change the situation, asking “What if we had gotten a second opinion?” or “What if I’d been more proactive?” You may feel guilt or shame if you feel you hadn’t done enough. You might start to say you’d do anything to get your loved one back. To cope with this stage, try implementing the following:

• Give yourself time.
• Try to create an emotional distance between yourself and these thoughts. 
• Acknowledge that you can’t control or change the past, but you can focus on the future.
• Seek professional help if you’re struggling^[4].

Stage 5: Depression

As the realization that nothing can change your loss sets in, it’s common to fall into a depression. Grief sets in deeper, and you may withdraw from your normal routines or feel a pervasive sense of sadness or emptiness. This is a normal and necessary step in healing, and professionals can differentiate it from clinical depression. 

Grief and clinical depression share many similarities, but they are two different conditions. Grief is a normal response to loss and can be often managed without professional intervention. On the other hand, depression is a mental health condition with persistent symptoms that interfere with various aspects of life, requiring medical evaluation and treatment.

Dr. Brindusa Vanta, MD

Coping Skills For Depression During the Grieving Process

• Seek and accept support from your loved ones.
• Accept your emotions as they are, without judgment.
• Find meaningful ways to honor your lost loved one.
• Seek help if you need it, such as if you experience thoughts of suicide or this stage lasts longer than 6 months^[5].

Stage 6: Testing

As the depression begins to clear, you may start seeking realistic solutions to help you live with your loss. This stage brings a sense of rebuilding life and looking for new coping mechanisms. It’s common to flow between this phase and others. To help with this stage, you may:

• Consider new spiritual or philosophical beliefs that bring comfort.
• Consult with a grief counselor about moving forward.
• Journal to process emotions.
• Join a support group or expand your social circle.

Stage 7: Acceptance

Eventually, you accept your new normal. This doesn’t mean you’re fine with the loss, but rather, you understand that things have changed. You’ll still have painful days when the grief may feel overwhelming, but they’ll slowly become fewer. 

Adjusting to Life After Loss

• Look forward to and plan your future.
• Remember positive moments with your loved one.
• Create a special anniversary or holiday ritual to honor your loved one^[6].

Grief can develop before a loved one‘s death. So-called anticipatory grief may occur when a loved one is chronically ill, developing before their passing and sharing similar stages with traditional grief. In this case, emotions experienced post-loss may be less intense. Seeking professional advice can help in managing both anticipatory and post-loss grief.

Dr. Brindusa Vanta, MD

How Long Is the Grieving Process?

There’s no universal timeline for grief, and it rarely ever fully disappears. You may have periods of grieving your loss for the rest of your life. However, your grief does become easier to live with over time. 

While many people experience a gradual resolution of symptoms and return to their normal routines, others may struggle with grief for extended periods. In these cases, working with a grief counselor can help.

Are There 5 or 7 Stages of Grief?

The number of stages of grief varies based on the model. Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross outlines a five-stage grief model, closely resembling the seven-stage model. The stages in Kubler-Ross’s model are:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance^[7]

Shock and testing were added to this model later.

You Don’t Have to Handle Grief Alone

The grieving process is unique to the individual experiencing it. There’s neither a universal way to grieve nor a timeline to follow. Remember to be compassionate to yourself and have patience as you navigate this difficult period. The key to making it more manageable is to rely on support, whether from loved ones, support groups, or mental health professionals.

Written by Serena Tanner

Serena Tanner attended the University of Washington, where she earned a degree in philosophy after many detours delving into human rights, law, psychology, and social work. Health and holistic wellness topics continue to hold a special place in her heart. When she's not reading or writing, she can be found exploring the Pacific Northwest with her two children and dogs.

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Edited by Ani Lahiri

Anitra Lahiri earned her bachelor's degree in English from NYU and holds certifications in Yin Yoga, Prenatal Yoga, Reiki I and II, Natural Health, and SMART Recovery Facilitator Training. She is also completing her 500-hour hatha yoga teacher training in December 2024. By leading addiction recovery meetings, teaching yoga, and writing about wellness, Anitra helps people all over the world bounce back from addiction, incarceration, or traumatic life events. Her passion is encouraging people to tap into their inner wisdom. https://anitralahiri.com/

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Subject Matter Expert Brindusa Vanta, MD

Dr. Brindusa Vanta is a healthcare professional, researcher, and medical subject matter expert . She earned her MD degree from "Iuliu Hatieganu" University of Medicine, Romania. She has a special interest in mental health and has collaborated with psychologists and other mental health practitioners on various research projects focused on therapies to manage depression, age-related cognitive decline, trauma and stressor- related conditions.