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Grief in Children & How to Support Them Through Loss

By: Serena Tanner • Edited by: Alyssa Hill • Subject Matter Expert Reviewed by: Brindusa Vanta, MD • 6 cited sources • Updated Oct 14, 2024

Loss is hard for anyone, but children often struggle with the permanence of death. Grief in children often looks different compared to adults, but they still face an immense emotional experience. Adults, especially parents, can help ease the grieving process for their children by providing comfort and guidance in coping with difficult emotions.

Key Takeaways

• Children experience grief differently from adults and may not always express it in the same way.
• A child’s ability to understand death depends on their age and development.
• Being honest and having age-appropriate conversations about grief can help.

Understanding How Children Grieve

In most cases, grief in a child isn’t going to present the same way grief in an adult would. Bereaved children can’t always verbalize their emotions, so they may demonstrate their feelings through behavior. They might seem fine one moment but then exhibit anger, sadness, confusion, or regression in behavior the next. The exact reactions can depend on the child’s developmental stage, personality, family dynamics, and more.

How to Support Grieving Children After the Loss of a Parent, Loved One, or Friend

Provide grieving children with a safe space and encourage honest expression, tailored to their age^[1].

Children may react differently to grief, showing various emotions such as crying, difficulty focusing at school, regressing, or worrying about their health. Some may not show any emotions at all. My advice: be honest, listen more, talk less, avoid judging their feelings, and let them know you are there to help them.

Dr. Brindusa Vanta, MD

How to Talk to Young Children About Grief (Under the Age of 5)

At this age, children don’t always understand the finality of death and may regularly ask for the deceased. They may ask questions about death or pretend their toys have died. Learning and processing happen through play.

Here are some ways to support a younger child:

• Provide clear, simple answers to questions.
• Avoid euphemisms like “passed away” or “went to sleep.”
• Encourage them to express their feelings.
• Read and discuss age-appropriate books about death.

How to Talk to Older Children About Grief (Between the Ages of 6 and 11)

At this age, children understand that death is permanent. However, if they lose someone in their daily life, like a parent or sibling, they may deny it. They’re likely to be angry and sad. 

Here are some ways to support an older child:

• Encourage a dialogue about what’s happening.
• Answer questions honestly.
• Discuss your grief and coping mechanisms.

How to Talk to Adolescents and Young Teenagers About Grief (Between the Ages of 12 and 16)

Teenagers often feel overwhelmed or out of control following a significant loss. They may engage in reckless behaviors, self-isolate, or become irritable. Be patient with their reluctance to discuss their feelings.

Here are some ways to support a teenager:

• Discuss the grieving process with them. 
• Encourage them to open up about their feelings, but not force them.
• Give them your undivided attention when they want to speak.
• Reassure them that grief is normal.

How to Support Grieving Children After the Loss of a Pet

Losing a pet can be devastating. Talking children through this grief follows the same patterns as losing a loved one^[2].

How to Talk to Young Children About the Loss of a Pet (Under the Age of 5)

• Inform them one-on-one. Don’t lie about the pet running away.
• Avoid euphemisms such as putting the animal “to sleep,” as this may frighten them.
• If your pet will be euthanized, inform your child beforehand so they can say goodbye.
• Stick to the facts, letting them know that their pet is ill or old and euthanasia helps them die without pain or fear.

How to Talk to Older Children About the Loss of a Pet (Between the Ages of 6 and 11)

• Explain your feelings of sadness and how they come and go. 
• Be prepared for anger from your child and talk them through it.
• If your pet is getting old or is sick, talk to your child in advance.

How to Talk to Adolescents and Young Teenagers About the Loss of a Pet (Between the Ages of 12-16)

• Discuss your teen’s emotions and how to cope with them.
• Ask open-ended questions about their feelings.
• Share your pain and sadness with them. 

Grief Activities for Kids

Children often process emotions, including grief, through play^[3]. Consider implementing the following:

• Creative expression: Art therapy emphasizes expressing emotions through art to improve psychological and physical health^[4]. Encourage your child to create artwork to process their emotions.
• Physical movement: Exercise and physical movement release endorphins, which can improve mental wellness and emotional processing. Throwing safe objects, punching pillows, or popping balloons may also help release strong emotions.
• Storytelling and writing: Sometimes, it’s easier to process emotions through written word. Encourage writing stories or journaling with prompts related to grief. Gratitude notes about the deceased can also help.
• Rituals and remembrance: Create some sort of ritual to remember the deceased. Many children find comfort in carrying a small memento that reminds them of their loved one^[5].

When to Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, a child may need professional help. Depression, severe behavioral issues, and extended withdrawal from daily activities are signs a child may need extra support.

Professional help is important if a child develops adjustment disorder related to bereavement (ADRB). This condition is triggered by the loss of a loved one and involves prolonged intense grief (which persists for at least 12 months) along with longing, anger, difficulty adapting to life changes, and decreased self-esteem.

Dr. Brindusa Vanta, MD

Grief Counseling for Children

Grief counseling helps children validate, express, and process complex emotions safely. It often involves learning coping mechanisms.

Your child’s physician or school guidance counselor may have resources to help. If the death occurred in hospice, the hospice team may help.

Helpful Resources for Children and Family Members

Several resources can assist grieving children and their family members, including:

• The National Alliance for Children’s Grief^[6]
• The Children’s Room
• The Dougy Center

Your child’s pediatrician and school can likely provide referrals for support groups or counselors.

You’re Your Child’s Lifeline in Grief

You can help your child cope healthily. Through empathy and understanding, you can guide them through processing their grief. If their grief appears to be lasting a long time, consider seeking additional support and resources.

Written by Serena Tanner

Serena Tanner attended the University of Washington, where she earned a degree in philosophy after many detours delving into human rights, law, psychology, and social work. Health and holistic wellness topics continue to hold a special place in her heart. When she's not reading or writing, she can be found exploring the Pacific Northwest with her two children and dogs.

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Edited by Alyssa Hill

Alyssa Hill is an experienced editor and health writer. She holds an M.A. in journalism from the University of Arizona and is also a certified somatic practitioner. A former content manager for multiple start-ups in the marketing and health/medical industries, Alyssa has extensive experience writing medically accurate and well-researched content, editing articles for clarity and SEO, adhering to strict guidelines, and ensuring all content is up to standards.

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Subject Matter Expert Brindusa Vanta, MD

Dr. Brindusa Vanta is a healthcare professional, researcher, and medical subject matter expert . She earned her MD degree from "Iuliu Hatieganu" University of Medicine, Romania. She has a special interest in mental health and has collaborated with psychologists and other mental health practitioners on various research projects focused on therapies to manage depression, age-related cognitive decline, trauma and stressor- related conditions.