Home / Grief Support / Coping with a Chronic or Terminal Illness & Understanding Grief

Coping with a Chronic or Terminal Illness & Understanding Grief

By: Serena Tanner • Edited by: Katelynne Shepard • Subject Matter Expert Reviewed by: Brindusa Vanta, MD • 5 cited sources • Updated Nov 14, 2024

Grief is a profound, overwhelming experience commonly associated with a loss. However, it’s not limited to bereavement. Grieving can be a response to other intensely stressful situations, such as a chronic or terminal illness as the gravity of the diagnosis sinks in. Learning how to cope with these complex, intense emotions is essential to your mental health during this difficult time. Coping strategies may include self-care, self-compassion, and finding practical help. On the other hand, if your loved one has received a chronic or terminal illness diagnosis, you’re positioned to provide meaningful, compassionate support for them.

Key Takeaways

• Anticipatory grief refers to grief for a loss that has not yet occurred.
• Anticipatory grief is often experienced in response to chronic or terminal illnesses.
• Coping strategies encouraging self-compassion, mindfulness, and acceptance can help manage anticipatory grief.

Understanding Grief Related to Chronic or Terminal Illness

Grief is a normal response when you’ve suffered a loss. However, anticipatory grief can arise before the loss occurs, such as when you or someone you love has received a diagnosis of a life-limiting chronic or terminal illness. You or your loved one may grieve the loss of the future as you realize that plans must change. You might grieve the loss of function as the terminal illness progresses to the point that you or your loved one need additional support, resulting in a loss of independence and normalcy^[1]. 

In the case of anticipatory grief, you’re grieving a future loss alongside the possibilities for the future. It can be distressing and even overwhelming at times. However, with the right support and resources, you can come to terms with the impending loss. 

How to Cope With a Loved One’s Diagnosis

Many diagnoses can lead to anticipatory grief, including:

• Cancer
• Alzheimer’s disease or other forms of dementia
• Advanced heart, lung, kidney, or liver disease
• Multiple sclerosis
• Organ failure
• Parkinson’s disease
• Stroke

However, any life-limiting chronic condition or terminal illness can cause anticipatory grief, and if your loved one has received a diagnosis, they may begin to grieve as they come to terms with their end of life.

You might notice signs that your loved one is facing anticipatory grief, including:

• Feeling overwhelming emotions or oscillating between anger, sadness, and loneliness
• Disruptions to their usual sleep habits, especially struggling to sleep
• Disruptions to their eating habits, especially a loss of appetite
• Distractedness or being preoccupied as they dwell on their situation
• Withdrawing from their loved ones and activities they usually enjoy
• Difficulty concentrating^[2]

It can be difficult to watch your loved one struggle with their grief, but paying extra attention to how they’re doing and providing non-judgmental support can help. Your job isn’t to fix the grief or convince them that they should enjoy the time and abilities they still have, but rather to be there with them as a source of compassion and comfort. You can help them manage their grief by acknowledging their emotions and encouraging them to talk about their feelings. Patience and compassion are key. However, sometimes, the grief may extend beyond what you alone can support, and you may need to encourage them to seek professional support as well^[3].

One of the most supportive things you can do for your loved one is simply be present with them and listen to them. You don’t have the magic words that will magically make their grief disappear — no one does. Showing up to listen matters more than coming up with the perfect motivational speech. Validate their feelings while also offering your understanding and condolences, and let them talk about their grief on their own terms. 

As you speak, avoid statements that could invalidate or minimize their experience. Saying something like, “At least you have time to prepare and spend some time with loved ones now,” can invalidate and minimize their pain, discounting their real, valid experience.

Beyond that, you can also take a load off them by offering practical help. Rather than asking them what they need, offer assistance with daily tasks, such as yard work, preparing meals, or chores. By volunteering for specific tasks instead of asking them what they need, you remove the mental load of figuring out how you can help^[4].

How to Cope With Your Own Illness Diagnosis

If you’ve received a terminal or chronic illness diagnosis that is life-limiting, you may face your own anticipatory grief. This may be exacerbated due to physical symptoms, such as fatigue or pain, that make day-to-day life difficult or uncomfortable. These may also take an emotional toll, and it’s relatively common to experience anxiety and depression in the wake of a chronic or terminal illness. 

Coming to terms with your emotions and accepting your reality is often the first step toward managing grief. Coping with a chronic illness or a terminal illness is possible with time and the right skills, including:

• Mindfulness. Mindfulness is a conscious awareness and acceptance of your emotions without judgment. Notice when you feel a certain way and allow yourself to experience it with self-compassion.
• Meditation. Like mindfulness, meditation allows you to process your emotions. Meditation can help you find a quiet inner peace as you reflect on your emotions^[5].
• Journaling. Journaling also allows you to process and release your emotions. As you write, you acknowledge how you feel, which can sometimes help resolve the turmoil.

No matter how you feel during this difficult time, your emotions are valid. Give yourself the same compassion you’d give to someone else in your shoes, and let yourself grieve your own way. Grief is a universal experience, but it looks different for each person and the way and time line that you grieve is uniquely your own.

You may find yourself struggling with feelings of isolation as you try to cope with a terminal illness, especially if your diagnosis presents with symptoms that can make social engagements or independent functioning difficult. However, socialization is important to avoid feelings of loneliness. Several approaches to remaining connected with your loved ones may help assuage this loneliness. For example, you might engage in regular communication with your family and friends through social media and video calls if getting out of your home is too difficult. You might also consider joining in-person or virtual support groups to connect with people who understand and empathize with your diagnosis.

Receiving a chronic or terminal illness doesn’t mean that you have to give up the things that bring you joy or purpose. As long as you work within your limits, you may still pursue hobbies, volunteering, and other activities that you enjoy. Set realistic goals for what you can do and continue doing what you love.

If you have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, try to learn as much as you can about that condition and work on improving your lifestyle by adopting a healthy diet, staying active, and managing stress. Research shows that people who focus on managing their condition have a better quality of life and enjoy better physical and emotional outcomes.

Dr. Brindusa Vanta, MD

Finding Support for Coping With Grief

Grief support is available, whether you’re grieving the loss of a loved one or facing anticipatory grief for a new diagnosis. Many support groups exist, both online and in person. 

Community centers, hospitals, and mental health organizations often offer a range of support groups, from general grief to illness-related grief groups for specific conditions. If you’re seeing a specialist for your condition, they may be able to refer you to local resources that can help.

Support groups are a great addition to the emotional support provided by loved ones. Those with the same diagnosis understand what you are going through, even if they manage their condition based on their unique experiences. These groups commonly share information on managing conditions, offer coping strategies, promote hope, and help reduce loneliness.

Dr. Brindusa Vanta, MD

You Don’t Have to Grieve Alone

Grief is a universal experience in the wake of loss. It’s a time when you should lean on the support of those around you while also taking care of yourself. Self-compassion and self-care are critical to help yourself during this difficult time as you navigate your unique, personal healing journey. Whether you’re facing your own diagnosis or the diagnosis of a loved one, coping strategies can help you navigate your grief and find the healing and peace that await.

Written by Serena Tanner

Serena Tanner attended the University of Washington, where she earned a degree in philosophy after many detours delving into human rights, law, psychology, and social work. Health and holistic wellness topics continue to hold a special place in her heart. When she's not reading or writing, she can be found exploring the Pacific Northwest with her two children and dogs.

---

Edited by Katelynne Shepard

Katelynne Shepard is a writer, editor and SME who is proficient at crafting and reviewing content. She has been a full-time copywriter and editor since 2011 and has written content for Fortune 500 companies, independent law firms, indie publishers, small-business owners and mainstream websites. She specializes in parenting, lifestyle, family law, personal injury, criminal law, immigration law, astrology, personal finance, education and health care. In addition to thousands of e-commerce product and category descriptions, Verle's work includes SEO blogs, social media posts and long-form informational articles.

---

Subject Matter Expert Brindusa Vanta, MD

Dr. Brindusa Vanta is a healthcare professional, researcher, and medical subject matter expert . She earned her MD degree from "Iuliu Hatieganu" University of Medicine, Romania. She has a special interest in mental health and has collaborated with psychologists and other mental health practitioners on various research projects focused on therapies to manage depression, age-related cognitive decline, trauma and stressor- related conditions.