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Helping A Child Cope with Pet Loss: A Guide for Parents

By: Claire Beutel • Subject Matter Expert Reviewed by: Marisa Akerman, MS, LMHCA • 5 cited sources • Updated Oct 3, 2024

The loss of a beloved pet can be a deeply traumatic experience for children, often marking their first encounter with death. As parents and guardians, it is crucial to provide the necessary support and guidance to help them navigate their grief. This article offers practical advice on helping children grieve, tailored strategies for discussing pet loss with children of different ages, and insights into what to expect as they cope with their loss.

Key Takeaways

• When helping a child grieve the loss of a pet it is essential to create a safe environment, be patient and attentive, and answer questions honestly.
• Discussing pet loss with children requires age-appropriate language and strategies, ensuring the conversation is clear and supportive whether speaking to toddlers, preschoolers, or school-age children.
• Support from family members is crucial during the grieving process. Sharing memories and honoring the pet’s life together can help children cope with the loss.
• Expect children coping with pet loss to exhibit changes in behavior such as different eating and sleeping patterns, difficulty focusing, and feelings of guilt.

How to Help a Child Grieve the Loss of a Pet

Helping children navigate the difficult experience of losing a pet requires sensitivity and understanding. Whether you are a parent, guardian, or friend, it is essential to approach this delicate topic with care. As you help a child grieve the loss of a pet, here are some key strategies to consider:

• Create a Safe Environment: No matter the age of the grieving child, creating a safe space where they feel secure, heard, and supported in expressing their feelings is important. 
• Be Patient and Attentive: Children, like adults, grieve at their own pace. Give your child the time they need to process their emotions and give them your full attention when they are ready to talk about the loss.
• Answer Questions Honestly: If your child is curious about death or the specifics of your pet loss, be as honest as possible.
• Acknowledge the Bond: Emphasize the special bond your child had with their animal friend. Recognize their feelings and validate the grief they are experiencing, as losing a pet can be as impactful as losing a loved one.
• Be a Model for Healthy Grieving: Children look to adults when it comes to learning how to react in various situations. Be open with your child about your own grief and model healthy ways to grieve.
• Encourage Remembrance: Encourage your child to partake in activities that honor the memory of your pet, like drawing pictures or looking at photographs. This can be therapeutic for them and can help them cope with the loss.

How to Explain the Death of a Pet to a Child at Every Age

There is increasing evidence that suggests children often form deep emotional attachments to their pets^[1]. Children at different developmental stages understand death differently, and it’s essential to approach the topic with sensitivity and honesty to help them cope. The way you communicate the death of a pet will also depend on the child’s age, maturity level, and life experiences. 

Toddlers (Ages 2-4)

If your toddler has recently lost a cat, dog, or other kind of pet, you may not be sure how to approach the topic of death. Children this young struggle to understand the permanence of death and often see it as temporary and potentially reversible^[2]. As you break the unfortunate news to your young child, consider the following tips:

• Use simple and clear language and avoid using euphemisms like “Puppy had to cross the rainbow bridge” or “Kitty had to go away.” Rather, explain to your little one that your beloved pet died, has stopped moving, and cannot see or hear anymore.
• Make them feel as comfortable as possible by speaking in a soothing voice or offering physical comfort such as a hug or holding their hand.
• Encourage your child to talk about their feelings and explain that it’s normal to feel sad or angry.
• Give them an opportunity to express their feelings through play, drawing, or other forms of creative expression.

Preschoolers (Ages 4-6)

Preschool-aged children have a slightly more developed concept of death but they can still struggle with understanding its permanence. Guiding children through their grief can prepare them for future losses and help them understand the role pets play in their lives. When you discuss the death of a pet with a preschooler, keep the following tips in mind:

• Stick with using clear and concise language and avoid using euphemisms, as they can be confusing to a child.
• Ask them if they have any questions and answer them candidly. If your child has questions, it is a signal that they want to learn more about the loss, and this is a great opportunity to provide comfort and acknowledge their feelings.
• Share positive memories of the pet to encourage your child to focus on happy memories.
• Make sure not to minimize the loss of the animal by saying something like, “it’s just a (cat, dog, hamster, reptile, etc.)” because this may be one of the most profound relationships the child has had up until this point.
• Use a children’s book that discusses pet loss to help explain the concept of death in a way they can easily understand. 
• Encourage your child to find ways to remember their pet, such as creating a memory book or creating a memorial keepsake.

School-Age Children (Ages 7-12)

Children at this age understand that death is permanent and final, but will still need guidance on how to deal with their emotions. At this more mature age, fostering open conversations about the loss of a pet can bring you and your child closer together. According to Matt Zimmerman, a psychologist who specializes in grief counseling for people who have lost pets, no matter where you are in your grieving process, talking about your loss with supportive people is the most effective way to move through it^[3]. 

As you approach the topic of pet bereavement with your child or young teen, here are a few things to keep in mind:

• Approach the conversation with respect for their feelings and do your best to validate them, whether or not they reflect your own.
• Provide detailed explanations about what happened to your pet, including whether an illness was at play or the decision of euthanasia had to be made.
• Suggest ways to memorialize the deceased pet, such as creating a scrapbook or holding a small ceremony. 
• Be open to discussing complex emotions and philosophical questions about life and death. 
• Give them time to grieve in their own way and reassure them there is no timeline on grief.
• Respect that the child may feel the loss more acutely than other members of the family.
• If you feel your child or teen may benefit from professional therapy, ask them if they think it’d be helpful to see a counselor. Seeking psychotherapy for pet loss can help alleviate distress and process complicated grief^[4].

It’s important to note that speaking to younger children about pet loss may provoke them to ask questions about their own death, as well as the death of their friends and family. It can be helpful as parents to prepare for tough questions related to death in general, in order to navigate answers in an age appropriate way. Responses may evoke fear and sadness, and it can be helpful to reassure them about their own, and your safety, as well as emphasizing the permanence of love.

Marisa Akerman, MS, LMHCA

What to Expect from a Child Coping with Pet Loss

Understanding the profound impact of loss on children can help you provide the right support during their time of need. According to Miranda Wichelns, a licensed clinical social worker and certified grief specialist, children grieving the loss of a pet may exhibit various changes^[5]. As a child copes with the grief that accompanies the loss of a pet, parents and guardians may notice:

• Changes in eating and sleeping patterns
• Difficulty focusing on tasks
• Mood swings
• Themes of death in play
• Feelings of guilt that they may have caused the death 

Supporting Children Through the Death of a Pet

Helping a child cope with the loss of a pet is a delicate process that requires patience, honesty, and empathy. By creating a safe and supportive environment, modeling healthy grieving, and encouraging remembrance, parents and guardians can significantly aid in their child’s healing process. If your child is struggling to cope with the loss, consider seeking support from mental health professionals. They can provide guidance and strategies to help your child express their emotions and navigate their grief effectively. 

Remember, every child is different, and their path to healing will be unique. Providing consistent love and support will help them navigate their grief and cherish the fond memories of their beloved pet.

Peer support for young children who have experienced the loss of a pet can be extremely beneficial and often more comfortable for children than one on one professional counseling. Finding a family member or friend who may have a similar aged child that has experienced the loss of a pet is a good place to start, if no notable peer support groups are present in your community. Peer interaction and conversation can provide children with relatability, validation, understanding, and creative expression.

Marisa Akerman, MS, LMHCA

Written by Claire Beutel

My name is Claire Beutel, and I bring over a decade of experience in digital marketing. I specialize in crafting and executing SEO strategies that deliver measurable organic results for businesses of all sizes. Beyond my technical expertise, I am deeply passionate about supporting mental health and wellness causes—a mission close to my heart shaped by my lifelong battle with depression. When Kevin approached me about creating a resource to help individuals navigate the overwhelming challenges of major life decisions, I immediately recognized it as a perfect opportunity. It was a chance to use my skills to truly make a difference in people's lives by providing guidance and support during some of their most difficult moments. I feel privileged to be involved in such a meaningful cause.

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Subject Matter Expert Marisa Akerman, MS, LMHCA

Marisa Akerman holds a Master of Science in Mental Health Counseling from Purdue University, Fort Wayne. With over 10 years of experience in clinical settings, Marisa specializes in supporting clients dealing with anxiety, depression, grief, trauma, gender and sexual identity issues, and other mental health conditions.